Numb
by Kagomes-Wish
Summary: A rather serious and very deep look into Inuyasha's heart, and his combat between this three selves. Better that the summary. Oneshot songfic to Linkin Park's song Numb.


Hey there, this is KagomesWish! How are you all doing? Well, I've been bored lately with the computer where I usually work down, and both last chapters of I Must Keep Going trapped on it's memory. So, I decided to do a little one-shot song ficcy to Linkin Park's Numb. I know it's a very popular song to do song fics to, but I felt like taking my own try at it. A little competition never hurt anyone, no? Well, anyways, should we get going? It's a very serious fic! Are you sure? Alright then...

(Hope you like it...)

Looking down upon the water, all was still. The clear surface showed a mirror image of all that was around him, the trees of the forest, the stars in the dark, moonless sky, and himself. His hair was long and black, his eyes, violet. Inuyasha looked down at his reflection. His human form was so weak, so fragile, so open to any kind of attack. It was in this form that his mind was most open, when the so called foolish emotions of humans flooded his mind. He was almost disgusted with his helplessness, disgusted with his fear, disgusted with himself.

**__**

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

He could feel his mind screaming, _You're so useless like this. No one needs you around. You're a burden._ He raised a hand and pulled his glance away from the water to look at his clawless hand. _Those hands... what use are they like this? These hands were born to kill, defenceless, what are their value? I can't protect, I can't save,... I can't do anything..._

****

Feeling so faithless lost under the surface

Slowly, his hand made a fist. It was so tight it was shaking.

**__**

Don't know what you're expecting of me

__

These hands... are those of a killer. As a human, I am useless, but a harm to none, as a hanyou, I can fight, but am hated by all, as a youkai, I am a warrior, but I am also a murderer of those who are innocent. What... what form is right? What am I really? A defenceless child... or a ruthless killer?

****

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Looking back down at his reflection, he punched the water in vain. He was just felt so confused, so lost.

**__**

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

The image of himself in the water distorted. Inuyasha felt as though he saw it transform into an image of himself, yet that was not him. It had red eyes, silver hair, and purple stripes down each cheek. _No... not him..._

**__**

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I've become so tiered, so much more aware

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

That form... I-I've killed so many in such a short time in that form. Men that begged for their lives, woman, children... Could I one day turn on Kagome?

****

Can't you see that you're smothering me?

That part of me if when I'm most... away. I can't contact the true me... or... is that the true me?

****

Holding too tightly afraid to lose control

NO! I can't believe that! I'm not a monster! I don't kill for pleasure! But... I do kill...

****

Cause everything that you thought I would be

No, but... I do it to protect her... To protect Kagome! To protect the others... my friends...

****

Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Am I lying to myself? Am I just saying things to make myself feel better, despite what's really going on?

****

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the under tow)

ARGH! NO! I just... I just want to stop thinking about it... I just want it to stop.... MAKE IT STOP!

**__**

And every second I waste is more than I can take!

Inuyasha fell to his knees, hands grasping his head. He glanced back at the water, all he saw was his true reflection.

**__**

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I've become so tiered, so much more aware

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

__

Am I... What's wrong with me? I feel so strange... even when I'm human, I don't get these feeling. I feel like... like I want to grab my Tessaiga and just end it all... It's like I've hit rock bottom.

****

And I know

I may end up failing too

Inuyasha dipped his hands into the water, once more distorting the image. But this time it didn't change. This did nothing to relieve his stress.

**__**

But I know

That you were just like me with someone disappointed in you

Kagome... Which form is it... Which me is the one you love?... I... just don't know... I don't know what to think anymore... Everything's merging, mixing me up... I don't know what to do.

****

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I've become so tiered, so much more aware

Inuyasha let the water in his palms poor back into the stream. He was shaking. He was shaking and he couldn't stop.

**__**

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Why is this happening? Why... I feel sick... I just can't stop it.

****

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I'm tiered of being what you want me to be

Inuyasha buried his face in his hands. He wanted to run, to cream, to die.

**__**

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

I'm tiered of being what you want me to be

It seemed like forever before Inuyasha lifted his head from it's position. his eyes blinked into the brightness of everything, it was morning. Slowly, he looked back at his reflection in the river. His hair was long and silver, his eyes, amber. He looked strong, headstrong, and powerful. But he felt exhausted. He stood, his eyes still on the water's surface.

__

This body, this mind, he thought, _This is all in limbo. I can protect... but I don't slaughter. I feel, but I'm not overpowered by emotions. I'm... I'm who I want to be... Is this... Kagome, is this who you love?..._

(There...)

So, what did you think? No before you say it totally sucks, I wish to inform you that I myself have experienced my share of major class five panic attacks in the last year, so I know what Inu was going through! They really suck! So don't review saying "That's not what a panic attack it like!" because, trust me, I'll call you out on it! I wanted to die when it happened to me! Anyways, the second thing I want to clear up is that the song Numb is about two or many people. **I know that! That's why I chose it!** You see, the fanfic was all about a conflict between Inuyasha's three selves. So it makes sense when you think about it to use a song about a conflict between more than one person!

Always thinking, aren't I?

Review?

Author: KagomesWish


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